Baby You Can Drive My Car…(But Imma Gonna Drive You Crazy!)
see all of these social media posts from couples who have retired and are now traveling all over the USA and often the world. Alas, my spouse and I are NOT retired, have no clue when that will happen – because ya know – we own the business and we work every day. However, we do travel quite a lot for work, especially during the spring, summer, and fall months for truck shows.
After last year’s debacle of sitting on an airplane for 13 hours on 3 different tarmacs on what should have been a less than 3 hour flight to Dallas, I told my husband that if a trip was less than 15 hours away, we were driving. So far this year, we’ve driven to California, Missouri, which ended up taking 14.5 hours due to traffic and also to Atlanta, Georgia just 2 weeks ago for the Shell Rotella SuperRigs, which took us around 14 hours, again because of traffic and construction.
If you’ve been reading my column over the past 36 years, you will know that the Hubbykins and I don’t have those sweet, saccharine Facebook lovey-dovey personalities and relationships. We bicker… a lot. We express our feelings… a lot. We get angry at each other… a lot. He’s not always my Sun, my Moon, my Stars – and I’m sure I’m a pain in Uranus to him.
These past 2 trips in May, we took my Chevy Traverse. I insisted on this because:
A) It’s more comfortable
B) It’s got more git-up-and-go than the Equinox and more fuel efficient than the Silverado.
C) I thought I could help him with the driving
I expressed the thought that I would share the driving with him as we pulled out of our house at 4:44 am . I was curled up on the passenger front side with my seat belt hooked, all comfy with my pillow and blanket, cell phone charging, snacks within reach in the back seat. He look at me in disbelief and declined my suggestion. I asked him why not. He cheekily replied, “Because I want to get there alive and in one piece.” And that’s how the fight began…
Actually there was no fight, I just rolled my eyes at him and then shut my eyes and took a nap. I offered several times to take over the driving but he refused. I like to think that I was a co-driver, however, because my right foot pressed that imaginary brake hundreds of times. I also clutched the door assist handle as I screeched, “Watch out! Watch out! Hit the brakes!”
I also thoughtfully reminded him of the speed limit, that there was a hawk flying over the highway, and not to turn the radio to any news stations. After we passed a rest area, I informed him that I needed a bathroom break. He did stop on the way out to Missouri at Uranus Fudge - the irony was not lost on me. I told him that he need to turn left and he ignored me and we had to drive 3 extra miles until he could turn around and go back to where I said.
When our kids were younger and we went on vacation, he would insist on stopping at EVERY weird roadside attraction. I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE. I did not want to stop – but we did. And now that we are older and empty nesters? I want to stop to see Jesse James Hideout Cave, the Bonnie and Clyde House in Joplin. I want to see every rip-off joint that is hawked along the interstate. But – ohhhh no, we have to keep moving!
Speaking of moving, we got stuck in 8 lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic at 6:30 pm on a Friday night in Atlanta. It was horrible, we were just inching along for around 45 minutes. People were crazy trying to weave across the lanes, jostling for a way to move faster. Spoiler alert, none of us were going anywhere. And that’s when my spouse and I became soulmates – we were each other’s Sun, Moon, and Stars. We kept looking at each other and calling all of the other moron drivers names – really, really bad names. If someone try to cut us off and there was no place for the other car to pull in BECAUSE WE WERE STUCK IN JAM-PACKED TRAFFIC, I would make a face at them. We high-fived each other. We shared some snack crackers. And for 45 blissful minutes, time stood still. No, really being stuck in that traffic, time did indeed stand still.
We have another truck show to drive to this weekend; it’s only 3 hours away. He’s driving my car. Your thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.