“Person Of Interest”

Roger Clark
October 2021

I read a news story about a guy arrested for murder, identified only as ‘person of interest’ now a ‘resident’ in a local county jail. I mean uh, correctional facility. After just a little digging, of course, we learned the sheriff was newly woke, and recently appointed by a blue state governor during a period of skyrocketing crime. Of course. 

Well, I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping politics out of my writing, yet done a lousy one of keeping out the words. Yet I read news stories every day that frame even murder in phrases of political correctness. Are you going to believe me, scream members of the media, or your lying eyes?

 My favorite examples, of course, were the ‘peaceful protests’ last summer, taking place directly in front of burning buildings. Portland, Seattle, St. Louis, and even in my hometown of Minneapolis, correspondents could barely hide their glee as the Uptown District erupted in flames. Around the corner, between pallets of invisible bricks, Antifa was burning the American flag. And why? Because they could, without consequence or remorse.

Torch the rainbow flag of the LGBTQ community, however, and be convicted of a hate crime. Question the Marxist motives of the BLM organization and be victimized by their cancel culture. Doubt out loud the results of our 2016 elections, and be ostracized as a white supremacist, even if you’re black as Larry Elder. 

 There are, however, new terms popping up quicker than REI’s polyester mansions for the homeless. These people are now called “outdoor urban dwellers”, coming to a park near you any day now. And that bearded guy you chased out of the ladies’ restroom last week is not a pervert, but just expressing his personal gender re-assignment. 

Those metropolitan range rovers videotaped last month filling garbage bags with drugstore merchandise were not criminals, but “irregular shoppers”, and were not stoned, but “chemically inconvenienced”. They were not being dishonest, just ethically disoriented, and not a societal failure, but non-traditional successes. I’m sure you could find them, even without a warrant, at any San Francisco County flea market. 

 That tubby guy you saw at Flying J last week wearing flipflops and a skirt wasn’t non-conforming. He was a visually unfavorable metabolic overachiever. What’s more, he was not too lazy for pants, just motivationally deficient. I hope from now on there’s no confusion about this!

If your Nike Lebron XVlll’s are still wet from the crossing the Rio Grande, it doesn’t mean you’re an illegal immigrant. We’re told you are an “undocumented worker” seeking economic justice, transiting with the help of ‘bilingual travel agents’, not cartel coyotes. Taliban and Al-Qaeda are no longer terrorist cells, but ‘civil servants’ dedicated to a kinder and gentler form of destruction, disruption, violence and domination. 

 I think what’s more important than political correctness is honesty. We don’t gossip about our neighbors. Everything we say about them is true, even if they ain’t no good. My granddaughter is ‘outspoken’, not bossy, and her little twin brothers are just ‘behaviorally challenged’, not little rascals.

Speaking of bosses, our dispatchers are now called ‘driver managers’ and they need to know where we are. God may know where you are, and you may know where you are. But if your manager doesn’t know where you are, you had better be on good terms with God. And trust me on this, they don’t care what flag you’re flying, or if you’re a gender free, economically marginalized, energetically declined, or politically deplorable Person Of Interest.

You can reach Roger at [email protected]