Is This The Real World – Or Is This Just Fantasy?!
I spent a lot of time on
the couch watching television. I got
sucked into watching shows that I would never, ever watch. I now think of myself as being an expert on
cooking (oh yes dear family, the irony of this is not lost on me, either), survival
in the outdoors, and purchasing and renovating homes. Of course, I tuned in, as always, to my beloved Pens hockey as well.
I am a very vocal
viewer. You really don’t want to be in
the same room as me when I am watching hockey or football. Surprisingly, when I actually go to the games
in person, I am very quiet. Why? Because I am afraid that my ranting and
raving (and bad words) will get me into trouble with the other sports fans!
The latest season Top Chef
just ended last week. I will confess to
knowing NOTHING about cooking. I prefer
my food to be plain. I am not into
trying new things. My stomach can’t
handle anything spicy. But I am utterly
fascinated by this show. I sneer at the
judges when they are giving their critiques.
“You think you know it all, don’t you?”
I yell at the judges. “You know
nothing about Chef Boyardee pizza, dudes!
I could mop up this kitchen with my Chef Boyardee prowess!”
I just watched an episode
of Naked and Afraid that was filmed in Alaska and the contestants were
literally naked and maybe they weren’t afraid, but they were definitely
freezing for fourteen days. Who in their right mind would get naked and have to
walk up to their privates in the snow? I
won’t even get naked and walk from the bathroom to my bedroom! They had no shoes! I whimper when my boots leak. And how can they survive for 10, 11, 12 days
without food except for maybe some bugs and worms? And why won’t their self-rigged fishing lines
produce any fish until the last day when they suddenly start catching fish?
The house shows make me
chuckle. Sometimes the people are
renovating their homes to try and get a better price when they sell and at the
same time, they are looking for a new house.
Most of these people don’t look like millionaires – but they are
spending $100,000 to renovate their house AND going with realtors to look at
homes that are $400,000 to over 1 MILLION dollars. And most of these houses are nothing
spectacular. They are jammed up beside
other houses with no yards and no driveway!
The homes in LA are millions and millions of dollars.
I like to guess on the Love
It Or List It show if the homeowners will decide to keep their old house or
list it and buy the new house. They
usually decide, after bickering the entire episode with their spouse, to keep
their house. “Why are you even on this
show, ya jagoffs?” I yell at the TV. And
another thing, who in their right mind would close on a $600,000 home without
having an inspection done? These folks
ALWAYS do this and then insist on another $200,000 worth of renovations and
find out there’s structure damage or mold or SOMETHING!
Are these shows real? Sadly, I will never really know the truth
because I can’t cook, I won’t get naked and I have no desire or money to buy another
house. So, pass me the popcorn and join
me on the couch. But I’m turning the
dial to the hockey game.