Heigh-Ho Silver And Away! The Lawn Ranger Rides Again!
It’s been 2.5 years since I began my new career in lawnmowing up here at the Homestead. I feel that although there is room for growth and improvement, I have made great strides in performing my duties. Summer is at the half way point. I’ve been mowing the yard this year since April. My spouse has had multiple instances of pulling out of the mud in the Spring but my last tow was in June. It was then that he threatened to take my mower away from. I cried and told him that mowing the grass was my therapy. Did he want to take that away from me? Did he know how expensive therapists are? After pondering on that thought for a few seconds, he just strolled back into the house.
I’m kind of obsessed with lawns. I drive on the back roads and spy on people’s yards. I marvel at their ability to have stripes. I sometimes get lawnmower envy, especially when I see someone maneuver those zero turn mowers with skill and finesse. If the person mowing happens to glance up while I am slooowly driving by their house, I give them a nod and a head salute, much like the bikers do when they pass each other on the road. I’m like all cool with my nod, “I see you brother. You’re awesome. I like your stripes. What kind of seed did you use to acquire all of this lush, spectacular greenery?”
I started to get cocky when I was out mowing. I’d drive by my bird feeder cameras and throw some rizz. I would press the pedal to the metal and yell, “Look Ma, no hands!” as I was waving frantically. I threw caution to the wind and ducked under low hanging branches and ran over tree sticks. I drove over the much hated pampas grass with glee.
I looked the mud bog in Peaceful Valley square in the eye as I asked, “Do ya feel lucky, Punk” and then I full throttled that John Deere mower straight into its path - - and I got stuck. I tried everything, reversing and then going forward, lifting the mower deck, pushing the mower from the back and then the front. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. I had to make the dreaded call to my spouse to get the Mule out of the garage and come to my rescue. I took a photo of him pulling me out of the muck. I then shared said photo on Facebook.
My friends and family had a good laugh. “Not AGAIN!” they chorused. And “Only you, Pam, only you!”
My sister-in-law Sharon inquired, “Did you have to call Steve's Towing Service again?? Hope you have an account with him – lol.”
Me: “Had to call him twice today! Got stuck on the back trail and then crossing over into Peaceful Valley... and yes, I name all of the sections of my yard!”
Sharon, “I just have a front and back yard. Boy is my life boring.”
Me: “I have No Mans Land, Peaceful Valley, Legacy Rock Trail, Anne of Green Gables Trail, Hoohoo Island, Big Valley, Bird Zone, and Kiddyland.”
Sharon: “I'm afraid to ask what Hoohoo Island is!”
Me: “It's exactly what you think it is --- it's this little strip of yard that has trees on both sides and has tree roots galore and shakes the old hoohoo like crazy.”
Yes folks, life with Pam is most definitely unfiltered…
I mowed my 6 acres of grass three days. No one drove by and saluted me – maybe because my lawn has no stripes and I sometimes end up going in circles. But I felt like a Super Hero out there in the blazing hot sun as I rode my faithful stead for 3.5 hours. I saluted myself with my Stanley water bottle and then realized that a bunch of grass had floated into the cup via the exposed straw. I gagged and then kept on drinking, because I’m a tough Motha. Just kidding, I dumped that water out and grabbed a Coke and then climbed back on the mower and yelled, “Heigh-Ho Silver and Away! The Lawn Ranger is here to save the day!” And I didn’t even have to call Steve’s Towing Service!