Candy & Ice Cream

The principal she was replacing had been there for 30 years. He had a solid reputation that he had earned time and time again over the past three decades. She knew she was filling big shoes and that there would be challenges. She had done what she could to prepare herself for them, but she was certain she still had a great deal of work ahead of her.

He hosted a picnic for faculty, staff, and the PTO to meet her. He wanted to bring them together so they could start building a relationship. She and the retiring principal met several times that summer. He was gracious and kind. He shared a great deal with her, and he made time for her questions.  He took her around the community to build some initial familiarity.

He knew the position had opportunities both in the present and in the future. He shared many of them, but did so in a manner so as not to create any unrealistically optimistic or carefree view of the leadership role she was assuming.  In like manner, he shared what he saw as some of the challenges with which she’d be contending. He was careful not to exaggerate them.  He wanted to make her aware, not scare her.  In short, he sought to give her a balanced and realistic view of what she was about to begin.

He had lived near the school, and even since the new principal had been announced, he got questions. As had long been his manner, he shared a little about her, but in no way sought to predetermine anyone’s impressions of their new principal; that was going to be her job! He had also familiarized her with the communities served by the school. Again, he shared in a manner that would leave her open to get to know the communities in her own way and in her own time.

As the time for him to metaphorically hand over the keys approached, he reflected on a simple gift and a piece of advice shared with him by the principal he replaced. In her day, her title was “headmistress,” and when she turned the keys to him, she gave him a candy dish and three dollars to fill it with candy for the first year.  That headmistress then gave him a sweet piece of advice. She told him that when leading a school, or any organization for that matter, there’s no use trying to make everyone happy.  With a knowing smile she said, “You’re going to have to make tough decisions, and as long as you do what best for kids, you’re doing the right thing.” She then said, “If making everyone happy is your goal, don’t become a headmaster, go sell candy!”

Over the next 30 years, his title changed to principal, and he had filled, emptied, refilled, and reflected on that dish countless times. He knew it embodied one of those prized and timeless I’ll-pay-it-forward-some-day lessons, and now was the time to share it.  He bought a similar dish, and put a gift certificate in it for candy for the first year. When he gave it to the new principal, he shared the story behind it, concluding with the same simple yet profound lesson that had been shared with him three decades earlier.

For the next 27 years that new principal led the building, and lead it well.  Yes, there were challenges, and yes there were opportunities. There were tough times, good times, and times that were neither; they were just times. Through them all, she led in a way that served the best interests of the students. That school had lots of stakeholders, but the students were the key stakeholders. When one of her decisions angered someone, she was okay with that. That is as long as it represented what was best for the students.

When it came time for her to retire, she wanted to pay forward the candy dish bit of wit, wisdom, and timeless advice. She chose a different object to illustrate, and she give the lesson a distinct 21st century flavor. She chose a quote from world renowned technology pioneer, cofounder of Apple, and generous entrepreneur, Steven Jobs.  In a beautifully wrapped gift box, she gave the incoming principal, the fourth in the building’s history, a model of an ice cream cone, and a gift card from an ice cream shop.  She had a small sign made to sit in front of that model.  It read: “If you want to make everyone happy, don’t be a leader. Sell ice cream.”

Leadership, regardless of when or where you chose to lead, isn’t easy, and thinking that you’ll ever please everyone will really frustrate your best efforts!