Something To Think About

Bad Talk

By:  Dr. Michael R. McGough

She was a nice enough person, but she engaged in more than her share of negative talk.  Her family had gotten used to it over the years, and her friends, at least the ones she had not put off totally, had learned to tolerate it.  Her bad talk seemed to know no limitations.  She could find something negative or bad to say about most anything. 

Her timing was either excellent or horrible depending on how you defined excellent and horrible.  For example, if you liked being at a birthday party where someone in the room just had to point out all the negatives of the aging process, her timing was excellent.  On the other hand, if you were uncomfortable in a conversation where a pregnancy was announced, and someone felt the need to explain all the trials and tribulations of parenthood, then her timing was horrible. 

It was interesting to watch her work a room, unless you were one of the people in the room being worked.  Sometimes her bad talk seemed to be well planned and carefully throughout. It was like she was staging a premeditated attack.  It was clear that she had a purpose in mind and chose her words accordingly.  Other times she seemed to be shooting from the hip firing comments as they came to mind.  In these cases it was rather disquieting to see how effortlessly she could wound people with her negative talk.  In either case, she had a good aim and her biting comments were generally right on target.

She was well educated, financially solvent, and she held a highly responsible position with an international trading company.  Generally, other than when she was honing her skills at bad talk, she was socially amenable, kind and agreeable.  Unfortunately, her bad talk was the trait that seemed to be her identifying mark; that was how most folks knew her.  Her negative comments were often the criteria folks used to define their relationship with her.  In her business dealings, some thought that made her tough, a no-nonsense kind of person who had little compunction about speaking her mind.  But to her family and friends, her bad talk was seen as insensitive, judgmental, hurtful and jealousy driven. 

Because of her status and authority in the company, her reputation, and her associates' need to sustain business relations, those who dealt with her professionally were forced to tolerate her bad talk.  They had to deal with her so they did.  She was just part of the cost of doing business with that particular company.  However, in her personal life, none of that status stuff counted for much.  In these relationships it was person-to-person, a level playing field where relationships are indeed personal. 

There was a certain sense of irony about her that illustrates a most interesting misnomer about how people talk to each other.  As quick and resourceful as she was when it came to offering negative comments, she was just as slow to accept or even tolerate such comments from others.  In fact, when someone offered her a little bad talk, even if they were just turning one of her comments back on her, she was easily hurt.  She displayed an intolerant sensitivity, and she quickly demanded an apology, followed by a warning that she did not appreciate being talked to in such a manner.  To anyone who spent any time around her, the dramatic difference between the comments she was comfortable making and the comments she was comfortable accepting was great.  The big question was how and why she was unable to recognize or unwilling to respond to this obvious difference.

 Everyone engages in negative talk, bad talk, from time to time.  There are instances when it is both necessary and appropriate.  However, when it becomes a dominant driver of conversation, it’s probably being over used.  Unfortunately, recognizing it can be difficult, because like bad breath, bad talk is easier to notice when it comes from another person's mouth!